regarding the last few months, or, an open letter to those who apologies apply to

i'm not very good at things of this sort, but that's probably already obvious. i'm not the right kind of man to be the kind of man that you may need. not now, at least. things happen. people happen. events happen. i've never been one to handle any of this or that with any sort of grace or compassion, at least not at the right levels. passivity and disregard are the tools of communication that i employ. for that i am sorry. sorry because of what this has led to. sorry because i can't handle such situations like a normal person, or, at least, like how i think a person should handle them. sorry because i never wanted to be that kind of person. sorry because i just never cared enough. and therein lies the issue. because i did care. i just couldn't express it. a fear of commiting, of admitting, of realizing that i care.

things never plan out the way you want them to or think them to. the way you see them in your head. in the theater of the subconscious. i would live there, if i could. i would function there. we would function there. and it would be, like it should have been, good.